小三 & 劈腿 (Law)

When seeing on an advertisement board on the street of Taiwan 「捉猴」(zhuo hou2), literally meaning to “catch the monkey,” have you asked yourself “what the heck is it?” Do they provide a monkey-capture service?

小三(xiao3 san), “small three” topic has been a huge hit here in Taiwan these days. Sensational plots about “small three” are being played in a hot TV soap opera; discussions on the same topic are blatantly going on in various TV talk shows. You check all over the dictionary trying to figure out what the term小三means, but in vain, because it has just been coined not for a long while.

I’ve never watched the soap opera mentioned above, which triggered the小三fever. But I know the term refers to the woman that is having an affair with a married man. Since we often call a mistress or a concubine小老婆(xiao3 lao3 po2), a small wife, which accounts for the word 小. And she is the third party in the marriage, which accounts for三, three.

We used to call the extra-marital affair 婚外情(hun wai4 qing2), or外遇 (wai4 yu4), you “meet” someone outside. But these days more often we’ll use the term劈腿(pi tui3), literally meaning splitting the legs, a dancing or kung-fu motion. I think it might has something to do with what we call 腳踏兩條船(jiao3 ta4 liang3 tiao2 chuan2), when you set each of your feet on two different boats. Namely, you’re involving yourself in two different situations, be it a job or a relationship. However, 劈腿 could be cheating on your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, while外遇 is only for a spouse.

The mistress would be 情婦(qing2 fu4); for a married woman’s lover it would be 情夫(qing2 fu). The wife would be 元配(yuan2 pei4), or 大老婆(da4 lao3 po2) to be contrary to 小老婆. In Taiwan the film “The First Wives Club” was translated as 大老婆俱樂部(da4 lao3 po2 ju4 le4 bu4)

When the 大老婆 is suspicious that her husband might be having an affair, she might go to a private eye for help. She needs to catch the couple red-handed, i.e. in bed. We call this 捉姦(zhuo jian). 捉means to catch, and I’ve introduce the word姦 , adultery, in our riddle for the Lantern Festival. So, here comes the key to the question I raised in the beginning, 捉猴 is actually pronounced in Taiwanese as lia3 gao2, meaning捉姦.

When this is done and the wife might want a separation分居(fen ju) , or even a divorce 離婚(li2 hun). She could need a lawyer律師(lu4 shi) and asks for alimony 贍養費(shan4 yang3 fei4). But things might not go so smoothly as custody for children監護權(jian hu4 quan2) is often fought over.

There’s a wide-spread saying that goes as 妻不如妾，妾不如偷(qi bu4 ru2 qie4, qie4 bu4 ru2 tou), a wife is lesser than a concubine; a concubine is lesser than an adultery. It perhaps expounds part of the reasons why we have so many 小三and why it has been so hot an issue these days. I remember how Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn and Bette Miller singing and dancing on the street in “The First Wives Club” after they kicked their husbands’ asses. For those 大老婆who have been劈腿 by their husbands, it might be a big comfort to see such a scene!

腳踏兩條船=脚踏两条船

情婦=情妇

大老婆俱樂部=大老婆俱乐部

離婚=离婚

律師=律师

贍養費=赡养费

監護權=监护权

Thousand-year egg, 壞蛋? (Food)

On Travel and Living Channel, there’s a program, Bizarre Food. I wonder if you’ve ever seen the stout host swallowing those bizarre food such as fried bugs or wriggling worms. What impresses me most is those which he does not dare to eat.

One is stinky tofu 臭豆腐(chou4 dou4 fu3) he refused to eat in Shun-Keng, Taiwan. I think he chickened out probably because he had seen the raw tofus that were kept in the “stinky water,” which gave off a strong smell of rotten food and was filled with greenish mold. Another is 皮蛋(pi4 dan4), Century egg or thousand-year egg in Hongkong. He was scared by the dark-greenish egg that seemed nothing like a regular one.

Thousand-year eggs are mostly duck eggs that have been preserved in a mixture of clay, lime, ash, and some alkaline chemicals for several weeks or months. The chemical change contributes to the “abnormality” of their looks.

When you first see a皮蛋, you might think it is rotten. But in our daily language, 壞蛋(huai4 dan4), literally meaning a rotten egg, is used to refer to the villains, like the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. And it’s only one of the abundant “egg phrases” in our life.

And for a bastard, it’s 混蛋(hun4 dan4), a mixed egg, or 渾蛋(hun2 dan4). For a dummy, it would be 笨蛋(ben4 dan4). Like the slogan used in 1992 Clinton’s presidential campaign, “It’s the economy, stupid,” we translated the “stupid” as笨蛋. And for the silly, it would be 傻蛋(sha3 dan4) or 蠢蛋(chun3 dan4).

Another phrase mostly used to curse someone would be 王八蛋(wang2 ba dan4). 王八is a nickname for the turtle, so the phrase means the turtle’s egg. But why the turtle’s egg? Or does it mean something else?

It is said that in ancient China, there was a thief surnamed 王(wang2). People called him 王八 because he was the eighth son of the family. Since 王sounds similar to 忘(wang4), to forget. People used the nickname to imply that he had forgotten the eighth virtue of the eight virtues 八德(ba de2) , which is 恥(chi3) shame. Namely, a 忘八 would be a shameless person. This is one of the possible origins of the term.

In ancient China, people used turtle shells to divine 占卜(zhan bu3). The shell was heated until some cracks appeared. The patterns of the cracks were used to foretell the future. In the book 史記(shi3 ji4), Records of the Grand Historian, there is a record about eight kinds of divine turtles, which some people say might be related to the term 王八. The eighth turtle was 王龜(wang2 gui), the emperor’s turtle, thus came the term王八.

When a kid is monkeying around and causing troubles, we may call his behavior as 搗蛋(dao3 dan4), or use the phrase 調皮搗蛋(tiao3 pi2 dao3 dan4) to describe him. As a result, a naughty boy could be nicknamed皮蛋as a simplified term of調皮搗蛋.

For Chinese people, the egg is not only a food. It comes in various forms to add colors to our daily language. For those who dare not try stinky tofu or thousand-year egg, I think you might as well give it a shot. You may fall for them and realize what it means when we say do not judge a book by its cover.

壞蛋=坏蛋

渾蛋=浑蛋

王龜=王龟

調皮搗蛋=调皮捣蛋

潘金蓮, the bad bad woman (III) (Literary figure)

When Jin-lian met 西門慶 in front of her house, her next-door neighbor 王婆(wang2 po2), who ran a teahouse, witnessed everything. Being a widow who had to raise kids on her own, she wouldn’t give up any chance to gain benefit. Perceiving what was on these two’s mind through their flirting, she offered to help and solicited the two into having an affair. Not only did she spare her place for the two to date, but she incited Jin-lian to kill 武大郎 when the he discovered the adultery. In fact, She taught Jin-lian how to do it and joined in the act. She was the devil. Jin-lian would haven’t gone so far without her.

In 水滸傳, Jin-lian was cut open by武松after he came back from a business trip and found out what happened. After that, he also beheaded西門慶. The justice was done immediately. But in金瓶梅, jin-lian wasn’t brutally murdered by 武松 until much much later. Instead she married西門慶, entered his big family and led a well-off life for a while. Thus we get to have a colorful story.

Jin-lian ranked the fifth among 西門慶’s women. Compared with the other concubines, she was not outstanding in terms of her family background or wealth she possessed. It had never been easy for a woman to win the favor of the only man in the family and become his pet among the numerous concubines, let alone those outside of the family. For an ambitious and diplomatic woman like Jin-lian, maneuvers and tactics and back-stabbing 暗算(an4 suan4) were inevitable. Actually, they were inevitable for all the women, be it a concubine or a maid, or a geisha who tried to get into the family.

Beauty美色(mei3 se4) was never enough, for there were always prettier women out there. And sooner or later you got old and the man would get tired of your beauty. That was why those women had to do everything to please the man, sexually or non-sexually.

I remember there was a scene when Jin-lian and西門慶were in bed in a freezing cold winter night. When西門慶had to get up from the warm bedding, Jin-lian offered to be his urine bucket by allowing him to pee in her mouth, so that he didn’t have to suffer the cold air. 西門慶later told another concubine about this, without hesitation she offered to do the same. Imagine this, you guys living in post-women’s liberation days, have you started to regret not being born earlier?

Some people compare the women’s strife to the political condition in the end of Ming Dynasty. Different parties fought over each other, trying every means to win the emperor’s favor and grab power. I think it also makes sense to see this way. Politically or not, this novel successfully reveals human nature 人性(ren2 xing4), worldly life and wisdom 人情世故(ren2 qing2 shi4 gu4). Succeeding水滸傳, the novel is part of the major tradition and inspires the later authors to continue the tradition. For the Chinese people, it creates household names such as潘金蓮, 西門慶, 武大郎and武松, who are living in our mind and always a part of our language and life. (Perhaps later I’ll introduce Xiehouyu related to those names as a proof.)

As to Charlie Sheen, the modern version西門慶, honestly speaking, I’ve asked myself, what would I be like if I were a cash cow like him, who makes a million dollars for one episode of a sit-com? ( If the report I read was not exaggerating.) Will I still live such a “boring” life as I’m living? Will I be a philanthropist like Bill Gates, or a Charlie Sheen? Or somewhere in between? Or both, with Bill Gates during the day, and Charlie Sheen at night? – I’ll never get to know. But, what is it that makes the difference?

By the way, we call a cash cow 搖錢樹(yao2 qian2 shu4), a tree where you get money only by shaking it.

(THE END)

搖錢樹=摇钱树

潘金蓮, the bad bad woman (II) (Literary figure)

Though “borrowed” from水滸傳, 潘金蓮’s story has some variations in金瓶梅. She was named金蓮 because of her well-bound feet. In ancient China’s foot binding 纏足(chan2 zu2) custom, beautifully bound feet were called 三寸金蓮 (san cun4 jin lian2), literally meaning three-inch golden lotus. Pan’s bound feet told us that she was not from a poor family. If so, she wouldn’t have had bound feet, which was a privilege to women from well-off families, who didn’t have to labor themselves.

Unfortunately Jin-lian’s dad passed away young. To make both ends meet, Jin-lian’s mom sold her to an official’s as a 樂妓 (yue4 ji4), which was something like Japanese geisha. They were taught to read and write and given musical training, so they could perform on social occasions when government officials or scholars got together drinking and feasting. 

According to the novel, Pan was not only attractive but smart and quit-witted. (Of course she was. How could a woman be “bad” if she’s not attractive or not smart?) She tried hard to excel in her line of business. But she seemed to have been doomed when her boss died as she was 15. She was sold again to a family surnamed Chang as a maid 婢女(bi4 nu3) or 丫環(ya huan3).

It was hard for such a young and attractive maid not to be paid attention by her lord Chang, the 老爺(lao3 yie2). It was nothing uncommon for a老爺 to deflower those maids that attracted him. And through this move the maids would be “promoted” to somewhere between the concubines and maids.

But Jin-lian was too charming for the wife not to be jealous of her. Jin-lian’s lord, who was in his 60s, showed some symptoms of an old man, such as backache and dripping urine from the enlarged prostate gland. The wife accused Jin-lian of causing her husband’s ail. The lord had no other choice but married Jin-lian off to 武大郎, who was short and ugly and sold steamed cakes for a living.

Not only did Chang marry Jin-lian to武大郎for free, but he gave money to this cowardly man as a sponsor for his business, so he could maintain a relationship with Jin-lian without any barriers. When武大郎 knew about what was going on with his wife and Chang, he chose to keep his mouth shut and continued to accept Chang’s sponsor.

So you can imagine how Jin-lian felt when she and武大郎were expelled out of Chang’s when Lord Chang passed away. The only support the in-her-20s Jin-lian had got was武大郎, a short and ugly and cowardly husband.

Had she been a mediocre woman without so much ambition, who was willing to come to terms with her fate and accepted it as it was, (認命)(ren 4 ming4) we would be surprised to see what happened later in her life.

But before she got forced out of Chang’s, she really didn’t have much choice in her life. She was sold around like merchandise. She was forced to marry a man she had despised. Though arranged marriages were commonly practiced back then, she would at least have a chance to marry someone who was a match, as what we call 門當戶對(men2 dang hu4 dui4) had her father hadn’t died so early.

With that in mind, it seemed natural for Jin-lian to have seduced her brother-in-law, who, unlike武大郎, was tall and masculine and a tiger-killing hero. And when she seemed to “hit it off” with a good-looking well-off young man like西門慶and did all she could to please him, she was trying to find her way out of this seemingly miserable life from an “aspiring” woman’s perspective.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

纏足=缠足

樂妓=乐妓

丫環=丫环

老爺=老爷

認命=认命

門當戶對=门当户对

潘金蓮, the bad bad woman (I) (Literary figure)

Abundant news about Charlie Sheen are widely spreading on the paper and the radio. I don’t know why, but the news of this “bad man” just keeps reminding me of 潘金蓮(pan jin lian2), the “bad bad woman” in Chinese literature.

潘金蓮made her debut emergence in the Classical novel 水滸傳(shui3 hu3 zhuan4), Water Margin. To realize her more, you have to go to another classical novel, 金瓶梅 (Jing ping2 Mei2), which was labeled as an obscene porn 淫書(yin2 shu) and forbidden. (A forbidden book is called 禁書jin4 shu) The title of the novel is generally considered a combination of three women’s names, 潘金蓮、 李瓶兒(li3 ping2 er2) and 春梅(chun mei2), three of the many concubines of the protagonist’s,  西門慶(xi men2 ching4)

The brick-thick novel is about the life of the protagonist 主角(zhu3 jiao3)and his big family; how he had achieved success, made a big fortune and died young in the “bad woman” Pan’s bed; how his wife 妻(qi) and concubines 妾(qie4) had maneuvered and fought against each other to get his favor, as well as the power to control the whole family.

My friend Spenser told me something interesting about this novel. He said that the author 蘭陵笑笑生(Lan2 ling2 Xiao4 xiao4 Sheng) wrote the book to revenge for his father, who had been killed by a corruptive official. He wrote those pornographic stuff that was rarely seen back then and presented it to this feud. As he had expected, the official was lured by this 淫書and absorbed himself in it. The enemy was poisoned to death by the arsenic that had been applied all over the pages of the book.

I’d never heard of such a story before. If it is true, I think that’s quite a smart way to get even. At a time when you couldn’t count on the judiciary (the official himself WAS the judiciary!), you were totally on your own. Such a story sounds so much like one from a Kung-fu novel, with feuds, revenge, poisons. . . etc. These days, all we can do to our “enemy,” I guess, is sent him an email with bugs in it to crash his computer. (And pray that all his “vital” info is in it!)

In Chinese literature, 潘金蓮 is typical of a promiscuous devil woman. (We use the adjective 水性楊花(shui3 xiang4 yang2 hwa) to refer to a promiscuous woman.) She is水性楊花 because she not only seduced her brother-in-law 武松(wu3 song), the famous tiger-killer hero, but also committed adultery with several men, such as西門慶, who later became her husband, and her son-in-law 陳經濟 (chen2 jing ji4). She is devil because she not only murdered her husband 武大郎(wu3 da4 lang2), 武松‘s brother, to marry西門慶, but led to 西門慶’s death by luring him to take too much aphrodisiac 春藥(chun yao4).

(TO BE CONTINUED)

西門慶=西门庆

潘金蓮=潘金莲

水滸傳=水浒传

淫書=淫书

禁書=禁书

李瓶兒=李瓶儿

蘭陵笑笑生=兰陵笑笑生

水性楊花=水性杨花

春藥=春药

Castration or face tattoo? (Law)

A heated public debate on a proposal of performing chemical castration 化學去勢(hua4 xue2 qu4 shi4)on repeated sex offenders 性侵犯(xing4 qin fan4) has arisen in our society when we got shocked and indignant after a 13-year-old innocent girl was raped and murdered by a repeat sex offender, who had just done his time and been released one month before he committed the crime.

More than fifty thousand people signed up on Facebook asserting that this sex offender should be sentenced to death, which is related to another controversial topic—if the capital punishment 死刑(si3 xing2) should be abolished. 廢止(fei4 zhi3) Some legislator brought up chemical castration in the wake of the case.

Is that effective to curb the sex offenders? If we take into consideration all the incentives that cause a sex offense, said some experts, chemical castration alone won’t be enough. For one thing, sex offense involves not only physical 生理(sheng li3) but psychological 心理(xin li3)factors. For a sex offender, it doesn’t necessarily take a genital 性器官(xing4 qi4 guan)to make a sexual assault. He can do so even when he’s impotent,  sometimes even in a more “perverted” way.

Take the eunuch 宦官(huan4 guan), or 太監(tai4 jian4) for example. Though castrated 閹割(yian ge), many eunuchs, according to historical records, had promiscuous relationships with emperors’ concubines. Many of them even got married like ordinary people did, or even enjoyed a rich man’s life style with abundant concubines. Whether it was out of mental motives to shun loneliness, or to show off their wealth or power, we had evidence that castration doesn’t guarantee a man without sex drive.

As to face tattoo, 黥面(jing mian4), though a ritual for some Taiwan’s aboriginal tribes to mark a girl’s adulthood, it had also been a punishment for long in Chinese history. Words or patterns were inscribed onto obvious parts of the body, such as face of the convicts. Ink was applied so the marks would last forever. The convicts suffered not only in the process of it, but had to carry this shameful mark for the rest of their lives.

Instead of tattooing their face, we’ll publish a sex offender’s name and criminal record online, said the Minister of Domestic Affair today. We’re going to have a “Megan’s Law” of our own.

As a mother and a citizen of this society, I certainly don’t want to live with these dangerous people around. But on the other hand, we have to be very cautious with the capital punishment. It’s just too convenient a solution that sometimes we think it solves everything. But we are inevitable to complain why we, as taxpayers, should labor ourselves working but spend our money feeding those rascals in prison?

These days I’ve started to view this from another angle. What if we see these sex assaults as illed people and treat them like we do those T.B. patients? We pay and do what we can to quarantine and treat them, not only for their good but for OUR own? It certainly makes me feel better. And beyond the indignation that would make me yell “just execute them!” and sorry for the money I’ve “wasted,” I’m feeling something else for those sex offenders.

化學去勢=化学去势

廢止=废止

太監=太监

閹割=阉割

Retrieve your shock (folk therapy)

I recently read an article where the author recalled her experiences of 收驚(shou jing), literally meaning “retrieving your shock.” I myself never had the experience of receiving such a ritual that has been passed along from our ancestors and still been a common practice in our society. But one of my sons had abundant experiences in this before he was about three years old, which is why I’ve had some contacts with this ritual.

To be exact, I should have said “retrieve your soul” when I gave the title but for the reason that I’d like to translate the term word by word. It is generally believed by the Chinese people that we humans have “three souls and seven spirits,” 三魂七魄(san hun2 qi po4) When you are shocked good by a sudden incident, such as a car crash, a natural disaster, or an encounter with “it” from another world, 陰間(yin jian), you might lose some of them. That’s why sometimes we’ll say someone is 失魂落魄(shi hun2 luo4 po4) when he looks absent-minded or listless. 失and落 means to lose.

As those souls and spirits are vital to our Yang陽氣(yang2 qi4), the shocked ones might show different abnormalities, such as crying and howling for babies; sweating, glazed eyes, lack of vigor, or insomnia for adults, depending on how much they have lost their souls and spirits. To “retrieve” the lost soul or spirit that’s wandering outside, a ritual of收驚has to be conducted.

Normally the ritual is conducted at a temple or a private altar, where different divines might be worshipped. The ritual varies in terms of the device and procedure. But it usually involves with incantation 咒語(zhou4 yu3), worshipping 祭拜(ji4 bai4) or 拜拜(bai4 bai4), and written incantation 符咒(fu2 zhou4) Sometimes the one to receive the ritual doesn’t even have to be there in person. A piece of his clothes will do.

Take my son for example. Before he was three, he would, like once every other month, be very restless and wake up crying like every ten minutes in the middle of the night. We were sure he was neither wet, hungry nor sick. My husband and I, both keeping a full-time job then, would take turns holding him in the living room, wandering around to pacify him to sleep. When the poor parent thanked God when he/she thought the little one had finally decided he’d tortured his parents long enough to his heart’s content and fell asleep, ten minutes later he was UP again.

“No wonder some parents will end up killing their own baby!” This was the thought haunted me most when I was holding this baby of mine. And I confessed I might have spanked him two or three times. (My husband once “dropped” him to the couch, not very high, though.)

So, when the nanny mentioned about 收驚, I was more than happy to try it. I was told this man was a pro, being the third generation to run the business, and had won his reputation not only for his “expertise,” but his honesty. He would tell you frankly when the baby was sick and needed a doctor without charging you.

The man started with checking the top of the baby’s head to tell if he had really been shocked 受驚(shou4 jing). If so, he would burn the incense, worship the divine and ask for his help. He would tell him the baby’s name, the time of his birth and his address. Then with a brush pen he wrote down the incantation on a small stripe of brownish paper, which is called符咒. The paper was required to be burned and mixed with water and drunk by the baby. A little bit of Chinese mugwort 艾草(ai4 cao3) was asked to be put into the bath water for the baby. 

Do not accuse me of being unhygienic for feeding my son such stuff. It worked like magic! Neither do you have to suspect if it was any scam like sleeping pills or anything alike. After that my son slept only when he should and it was nothing like the effect of any meditation. We did frequent the altar those two years. Later as he was growing up, such a problem stopped plaguing us.

收驚=收惊

陰間=阴间

陽氣=阳气

咒語=咒语