"Keyboardization" in Chinese writing (joke)

There’s a report on United Daily about the prevalence of mistakes when writing has been “keyboardization” today. Instead of handwriting, people just type on their keyboard to communicate.

For a non-alphabetic language with so many homophones like Chinese, the tendency has a great impact. For one thing, a lot of youngsters are retrogressing in their handwriting. They don’t know how to write since clicking on keyboard has replaced writing the characters stroke by stroke. As a result, they just recognize a general “outline” of a word instead of each stroke of it, which leads to wrong characters.

For another, there’re many typing systems for the Chinese characters. For those who don’t learn any of them, they might use Mandarin Phonetic Symbols to type. To be more specific, the new system of it, which automatically picks out a word for you among the dozens of homophones and requires you to correct it if it picks out the wrong one. For people communicating online, very likely they just don’t bother to do the proofreading since they talk fast. Mistakes or misunderstanding thus come along.

The report shows some hilarious examples of how a sentence can mean so differently if you just don’t check on the words computer has picked up for you. The highlighted parts are the homophones of the red characters, which are what you really mean.

有隻豬在我電腦上         There’s a pig on my computer.

有蜘蛛(zhi zhu)在我電腦上  There’s a spider on my computer.

同學去世真的超好笑 A classmate’s death is super hilarious.

同學去勢真的超好笑 A classmate’s being castrated is super   

    hilarious.

同學趣事(qu4 shi4)真的超好笑 A classmate’s interesting episode is super hilarious.

你會癢是嗎？ You are feeling itchy, aren’t you?

你會仰式(yang3 shi4)嗎？ Can you swim the backstroke?

及時通上吹噓，我弟李添財

I was bragging on Messenger about my brother Li Tian-cai.

及時通上吹噓，我地理天才(di4 li3 tian cai2)

I was bragging on Messenger about my geographic genius.

你腋下如何？ How is with your armpit?

你意下(yi4 xia4)如何？ What do you think?

外面吃東西，儘可能氫彈

Try to eat as much hydrogen bombs as possible when eating out.

外面吃東西，儘可能清淡(qing dan4)

Try to eat as much light food as possible when eating out.

老師教學生電腦，問大家觀音笑了嗎？

The teacher asked students if Guan-yin Goddess had laughed when teaching the computer class.

老師教學生電腦，問大家關音效(guan yin xiao4)了嗎？

The teacher asked students if they had turned off the sound effect when teaching the computer class.

This is why Chinese is a language of poetry, I guess. In fact, Taiwanese poet 陳黎(chen li2) has really composed a poem of such kind that turns a love poem into a dirty one. The title of the poem takes mistyping on the computer as an excuse to make such a twist.

Bombs of laughter might just explode when you’re typing Chinese characters with your computer.

有隻豬在我電腦上=有只猪在我电脑上

同學趣事=同学趣事

及時通=及时通

外面吃東西，儘可能清淡=外面吃东西，尽可能清淡

關音效=关音效

陳黎=陈黎

人面桃花 vs. daffodil field (idiom)

I read a story on the paper about how the daffodils at Mt. Yang-Ming in Taipei had blossomed these days, which is nothing unusual. What makes the story special is that the administration of the daffodils has set up a sign in search of an old lady who took a taxi and came all the way from Taoyuan four years ago just to watch daffodils in full blossoms. She burst into tears when told that she was too late and had missed the blossoms. “I haven’t seen a tract of daffodils for decades since I left home!” she cried.

Along with other 1949 immigrants, the lady came to Taiwan from China when young and was in her 80s when she visited Mt. Yang-Ming to see the scene of her dream. People invited her to come next year but she had never been seen since then.

Immediately I remember the story of人面桃花(ren2 mian4 tao2 hwa). 崔護(cui hu4), a poet in Tang Dynasty, once had an outing in spring to the suburbs and came to a cottage surrounded by peach blossoms. Out of curiosity he knocked the door asking for a cup of water to see who was living inside. Beyond his expectation, a beautiful girl answered the door and entertained him with hospitality.

The next year when he visited the same place in the same season, to his disappointment the girl had been gone. The regretful poet could do nothing but left a poem on the door, which went as:

去年今日此門中，人面桃花相映紅；

人面不知何處去，桃花依舊笑春風。

Last year today inside the door I saw the rosy face reflecting the bright color of the peach blossoms.

Now the peach blossoms are smiling in the spring wind but the face is nowhere to be found.

So we have the idiom 人面桃花. 人面refers to the beautiful face of the girl; 桃花, peach blossoms. Cui was definitely not alone to have such regret when facing the same old surroundings without the beloved one.

Peach or daffodil blossoms, it really doesn’t matter what the flowers are. I certainly hope that those daffodils will see the lady they’re expecting.

All about eating (III) (Slang)

囫圇吞棗(hu2 lun2 tun zao3): Literally it means to swallow a jujube without chewing. 囫圇means intact; 吞, swallow; 棗,jujube. When someone is learning something, he does not try to comprehend it thoroughly with deliberation but finishes it hurriedly and carelessly, we can use the term. For example, how can you read between the lines if you just囫圇吞棗when you’re reading this literature classic of deep meanings?

膾炙人口(kwai4 zhi4 ren2 kou3) 膾 is finely cut meat while炙 is barbequed meat. These are food loved by people. Beautiful works of poetry, prose, music or movies are well-liked by people just like delicious food.

吃不了兜著走(chi bu4 lyao3 dou zhe zou3) Literally it means you have to take out the leftover if you can’t eat them all. But the actual meaning is that someone has landed himself in serious trouble, or has to take the consequences he can’t bear. For example, “I’ll let you吃不了兜著走 if you should take my money,” said the rascal. 

吃案子(chi an4 zi) “Eating the case” is the literal meaning. Sometimes the irresponsible policemen might shun their responsibility by not filing a case. This act is called吃案子.

吃人(chi ren2) It doesn’t necessarily mean “eating people” but often refers to the situation when a major bullying or oppression happens.

吃飽了撐著(chi bao3 le cheng zhe) In my previous writing on June, 28, 2011 about planking, I’ve talked about this slang. when someone seems to have too much time on hand and is up to something meaningless, such as meddling into others’ affair that is none of his concern, we’ll say he’s吃飽了撐著, getting too full up.

Conclusion: If you totally understand these “eating terms” and use them without difficulty, foreigners, you’re practically a Chinese expert.

(THE END)

囫圇吞棗=囫囵吞枣

膾炙人口=脍炙人口

吃不了兜著走=吃不了兜着走

吃飽了撐著=吃饱了撑着

十年寒窗 vs. Lin-sanity (slang)

I’d like to put aside what I haven’t finished with my previous writing “All about eating” to talk about this Lin-sanity, which has been the hottest sports topic these days in Taiwan, after learning online that he did it again—another comeback victory 0.5 second before the end of the game, the sixth win in a row!

For a benchwarmer who turns to a sensation from a nobody in a few days, there’s no other slang fitter than an old saying十年寒窗無人問，一舉成名天下知(shi2 nian2 han2 chuang wu2 ren2 wen4, yi4 ju3 cheng2 ming2 tian xia4 zhi), which refers to what was like with the imperial civil service examination system, 科舉考試(ke ju3 kao3 shi4), when scholars had to be selected through the exam into the government, which was the loftiest  (practically the sole) goal for a 書生(shu sheng), scholar.

So scholars back then had to study very hard for very long, 十年, ten years refers to the span of time. 寒窗literally means cold windows. When you’re only a nobody, you get little attention and few people will visit you. 寒窗 is the expression for your place of loneliness and quietness. Once you passed the exam, however, you become a household name-一舉成名天下知

In traditional Chinese opera or literature, we have so many stories about the process how a書生has risen from poverty and obscurity into an icon when he passes the exam. He finally gets to marry the girl he loves of a prestigious family if you want it to be a comedy. The version for a tragedy would be that he abandons his mediocre wife to marry another woman, a political heavyweight’s daughter in most of cases.

Before Jeremy Lin turned into Lin-credible, he had to worry about getting unemployed and had to sleep on the couch. He hardly had the chance to show what he could, but passed along water or towels for his teammates. Had not Knicks been injury-depleted, would it be possible for us to watch this incredible show? Seeing how he had twisted the game in seconds (or 0.5 second in Toronto Raptors’ case) before the whistle blew, what else can we say except that God is at his side? His performance is really有如神助(you3 ru2 shen2 zhu4), helped by God.

For Minnesota Timberwolves and Toronto Raptors, who had won the game most of the time until the final seconds, it’s just like what we say, 煮熟的鴨子飛了(zhu3 shou2 di ya zi3 fei le), the cooked duck flies away. Just when you think you can start eating the duck, it’s taken away right under your nose!

We certainly don’t hope this Lin-sanity to be a flash in the pan, 曇花一現(tan2 hwa yi2 xian4). 曇花, the night-blooming cereus, no matter you like the game or the legend.

十年寒窗無人問，一舉成名天下知=十年寒窗无人问，一举成名天下知

科舉考試=科举考试

書生=书生

煮熟的鴨子飛了=煮熟的鸭子飞了

曇花一現=昙花一现

All about eating (II) (slang)

秀色可餐(xiu4 se4 ke3 can)  It compares the beauty of a woman to food. Her beauty is such that you can eat it. 秀色means beauty; 餐to eat.

吃香(chi xiang) It means to be well-liked, popular, highly-valued, or much sought after. For example, you may say the NBA sensation Taiwanese- descent Jeremy Lin has been quite吃香on basketball court these days.

吃閉門羹(chi bi4 men2 geng) to be denied entrance; to be rejected. 閉門means closed door; 羹, thick soup. Take Jeremy Lin again for example. Before going to college, he mailed video of him playing basketball to all the universities of Ivy League as well as some others such as UCLA for admission. But only Harvard and Brown promised him a place on the school team. We can say Lin applied to those colleges but吃了閉門羹

吃啞巴虧 When a mute is taken advantage of or has incurred a false accusation, he can’t get even by telling. We may use吃啞巴虧to refer to such a situation when you can’t tell the truth or get even for some reason faced with a false accusation. 吃虧means to be at a disadvantage;啞巴, mute.

吃醋(chi cu4) : It means getting jealous while literally meaning “eating vinegar.” I’ve talked about the allusion in my previous writing “Seven things after you open the door (II).” in July, 2011. Sometimes we also use 吃味(chi wei4) (eating again!) to mean the same.

吃力(chi li4) If a job is very tough and strenuous and you’re having a hard time doing it, you can use the term to describe the job or the situation. 力means strength or force. To make it worse, you are straining to finish a tiring job but no one seems to be pleased or appreciate your hard work. You might scream: “This is really吃力不討好(chi li4 bu4 tao3 hao3)!”

(TO BE CONTINUED)

吃閉門羹=吃闭门羹

吃啞巴虧=吃哑巴亏

All about eating (I) (slang)

Some people say that Chinese culture is all about eating. Not only do Chinese say 民以食為天(min2 yi3 shi2 wei2 tian),which means for ordinary people, food is their “sky,” i.e. the most vital part of their life. There’re so many expressions that are related to eating:

糊口(hu2 kou3) : make a living; keep body and soul together, with 糊meaning to paste while 口meaning mouth.

飯碗(fan4 wan3): a job, bread and butter. Literally飯means rice,碗,bowl. So 飯碗 is the bowl you use to contain the rice you eat. In Taiwan, we often call a job at the bank a “golden” 飯碗(金飯碗 jin fan4 wan3) because it’s related to gold, money; a job for the government service or in the public school is called “iron” 飯碗(鐵飯碗 tye3 fan4 wan3) because it’s well protected and you don’t need to worry about being laid off (unless you commit a major crime.) It is unbreakable.

混飯吃(hun4 fan4 chi): similar to糊口, which means you get a job and just live hand to mouth. Literally it means to manage to get some rice to eat. 混means to fool around, idle around. For example, when someone makes a compliment and expresses his envy to a civil servant saying that his job is a “鐵飯碗,” the latter might respond, “只是混飯吃罷了”(zhi3 shi4 hun4 fan4 chi ba4 le) It’s just a job that keeps my body and soul together; no big deal but a job.

吃得開(chi de kai): It’s used to refer to the status that someone is doing very well, or playing an important part in his job or career. For example, 陳先生在金融界吃得很開, Mr. Chen is doing very well in the financial business.

吃豆腐(chi dou4 fu3): Literally it means “eating tofu,” which actually implies sexual harassment. It could be used when a man is physically harassing a woman, but vise versa. It could also mean verbal harassment. For example, Mr. Chen likes to 吃女人豆腐. Mr. Chen likes to harass women.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

民以食為天=民以食为天

飯碗=饭碗

鐵飯碗=铁饭碗

吃得開=吃得开

搶頭香 (Custom)

Before we start the topic, let’s watch a short film first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBYdvy6c718

What exactly are they doing?

It’s believed that he who gets to burn the first incense of the year in the temple, i.e. to put his incense stick into the incense burner first would be extremely blessed and lucky for the year. That’s why a lot of people will wait outside some prestigious temples for the gates to be open during the midnight of the Chinese New Year’s Eve.

Such an act is called搶頭香(qiang3 tou2 xiang), literally meaning competing to burn the first incense. The competition is such that you can see some funny scene as someone “cheating” like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f2pUUKhkJc&feature=related

It turns out that this term is not limited to temples, but has become a common usage to describe the act of getting to be the first to do something. For example, Taiwan’s newly elected legislators reported for duty on Feb, 1. According to the news report, a DDP legislator had arrived at the Legislative Yuan around 6:00 a.m. to “搶頭香” even though the procedure was scheduled to start at 8:00. Somehow another legislator entering from the side gate accidentally turned out the one who搶了頭香.

For the man who turned over the incense burner in the film, the physical pain might not as much as that when he saw the grandma putting her incense into the burner leisurely and “elegantly.”

搶頭香=抢头香