Eating a whore on Royal Caribbean? (the end) (Hilarious errors)

Let’s continue with our cruise at the buffet on Royal Caribbean.

The error for this one is the word “dressing,” which is translated in relation to clothing, 裝束(zhuang shu4). When referring to the clothes someone’s wearing, we can also use 衣著(yi zhuo2)or 裝扮(zhuang ban4). Here the dressing should be 沙拉醬(sha la jiang4) in Chinese. Creamy Italian Dressing should be 義式奶油沙拉醬(yi4 shi4 nai3 you2 sha la jiang4)

According to Wikipedia, Split peas are the dried, peeled and split seeds of Pisum sativum. I saw a picture of yellow split peas on it and assume that green split peas are in the same family but with different color. Taken out from “split peas,” the word split does mean 分裂(fen lie4) or 斷絕(duan4 jue2) as used in a relationship. But here you don’t need to separate it. Just call the soup 綠豌豆湯(lu4 wan dou4 tang) or 豌豆湯 is enough.

The cuisine is translated as 花園成為綠色(hua yuan2 cheng2 wei2 lu4 se4), The garden is turning to green, which is no doubt a product of an automatic translator. In some of Taiwan’s western-style restaurants, you’ll see 庭園沙拉(ting2 yuan2 sha la) on the menu, which I think is what this花園成為綠色mean. Here greens refer to the various vegetables, but not the color green.

The last one is the most horrible one, with none of it right, which also makes my title for this article. Here chicken is put as 膽小(dan3 xiao3), cowardly. But chicken should be 雞肉(ji rou4) when used as a food. Mushroom is 蘑菇(mo2 gu). Thanks to this, now I know it also refers to anything of similar shape or correspondingly rapid growth, which is why it is put as 迅速增長的(xun4 su4 zeng zhang3 de).

The last two words on the list is 妓女(ji4 nu3), prostitute. How come this word would be on a menu? I checked the dictionary and found that in slang usage, tart could be a prostitute or promiscuous woman. No wonder it has turned to a妓女from a food, 餡餅(xian4 bing3). I think the correct translation should be 雞肉磨菇餡餅(ji rou4 mo2 gu xian4 bing3)

Perhaps there’s no need to be too harsh to whoever has put down those names. Here in Taiwan we encounter some hilarious mistranslations too. No customer gets puzzled as they know what it is when seeing the food. Maybe they did this on purpose to make us laugh. Nothing serves as a better appetizer than laughter. Want some clumsy actors or promiscuous women? Bon appétit!

裝束=装束

衣著=衣着

沙拉醬=色拉酱

義式奶油沙拉醬=义式奶油色拉酱

斷絕=断绝

綠豌豆湯=绿豌豆汤

花園成為綠色=花园成为绿色

庭園沙拉=庭园色拉

膽小=胆小

雞肉=鸡肉

迅速增長的=迅速增长的

雞肉磨菇餡餅=鸡肉磨菇馅饼

Eating a whore on Royal Caribbean? (I) (Hilarious errors)

I got an email with a joke and some pictures in it. The writer of the joke claimed that he had got the pictures from a friend, who had taken them at the buffet on the Royal Caribbean.

It’s about some hilarious mistranslations of the cuisines. I have to say I’m not sure about the authenticity of these pictures. It could be real as the writer had claimed, or as you know what’s like with the virtual world, someone had just made it up to entertain us. Whatever it is, it is just too far-fetched and hilarious to be ignored. I’m picking out some of them here for you.

The first one is English Bacon, which is translated into 英語培根(ying yu3 pei2 gen) or英语培根as you see in the picture in simplified Chinese. Does it mean the beacon speaks English? In fact the right translation should be 英式培根(ying shi4 pei2 gen), which indicates the origin or the style of the beacon, but not the “language” of the beacon, because 英語 refers to the English language. I think the mistake was made by someone without much  knowledge about the Chinese language, who just resorted to an automatic language translator as many people do today.

For this one we have to pay more attention to the left half, Regular Milk, which is put as 規則牛奶(gui ze2 niu2 nai3)，or規則牛奶. Milk with regulations? 規則 means rules or regulations as in traffic regulations, 交通規則(jiao tong gui ze2). But it has many other meanings. Here it should be 一般牛奶(yi4 ban niu2 nai3), regular or normal milk, to be contrast to the Half &Half.

This one mixes the beef with a mess of unorganized message雜亂信號(za2 luan4 xin4 hao4). 醃牛肉(yan niu2 rou4)is enough for Corned beef. The usage of the adjective form 鹽醃的(yan2 yan de) is unnecessary and redundant. The punch line here is the latter part 雜亂信號, which is one of the meanings hash has that has nothing to do with food. Judging from the info I get in the dictionary, it should be 煎醃牛肉(jian yan niu2 rou4) or 牛肉燉菜(niu2 rou4 dun cai4), depending on the way it is cooked or the ingredients.

As to this one I’d like to start from the latter part “Bamboo Shot Salad,” which I doubt if the word “shot” is a misspelling of “shoot.” Bamboo shoot is 竹筍(zhu2 sun3). Bamboo shoot salad is竹筍沙拉(zhu2 sun3 sha la), and the word的(de) is unnecessary.

The former part “Ham” is 火腿(huo3 gui3) in Chinese. But again it is translated into something that has nothing to do with food. Instead, it is translated into 笨拙的演員(ben4 zhuo2 de yan3 yuan2), a clumsy actor. I checked the dictionary and found out the word ham could be used to refer to an actor or performer who overacts. But I believe in the dictionary the term火腿would be on top of the meanings. Did the one who put down the Chinese just go from bottom of the list with every word? That is a really unlikely and unusual practice. Or did he just find out that he’d had enough of those stupid or overacting actors and decide to eat them all?

(TO BE CONTINUED)

雜亂信號=杂乱信号

鹽醃的=盐腌的

牛肉燉菜=牛肉炖菜

竹筍=竹笋

笨拙的演員=笨拙的演员

Idiotic Syntax (Hilarious errors)

Unlike alphabetic languages, Chinese is made up of blocks of characters. Somehow it’s like piling up blocks when you’re making sentences in Chinese. If you know the various word games passed along from our ancestors, you’ll know what I mean.

I don’t know since when, but here in Taiwan some people started a game of words to distort a phrase or sentence to make it hilarious by adding some words inside the term or separate a phrase deliberately into two sentences. We call this 白癡造句法(bai2 chi zao4 ju4 fa3), idiotic syntax.


For example, the phrase 可愛(ke3 ai4) means cute, adorable. But now when someone uses the phrase to describe you, he might add with a mocking smile that he means可憐沒人愛(ke3 lian2 mei2 ren2 ai4), “ miserable for being loved by no one.” The term 賢慧(xian2 hui4) originally refers to those virtuous and intelligent women. But if someone gives me it as a “compliment,” I’ll know he means閒閒(賢)的什麼都不會(慧)(xian2 xian2 de she me dou bu2 hui4), idling around, incapable of anything. 偶像(ou3 xiang4), an idol, becomes 嘔(偶)吐的對象(像)(ou3 tu4 de dui4 xiang4), the object to which you puke.

For a while people across Taiwan were busy making sentences, a common exercise done in the Chinese class. For example, 難過(nan2 guo4),sad, is twisted into “difficult to cross” as in這條馬路上的車子很多，所以很難過 (There are so many vehicles on the road that it’s difficult to cross it.) 月經(yue4 jing), period, menses：小陳這個月經常遲到 Chen has been often late this month. The term is separated into two parts as in 這個月(zhe4 ge yue4), this month, and 經常(jing chang2), often. Thus the whole sentence becomes ridiculously hilarious.

Another two examples:

便當(bian4 dang), meal box: 不要把大便當飯吃。Don’t take shit as rice and eat it. (!!!)

能幹(nen2 gan4) ,capable:政府很無能,幹! The government is so incapable. Fxxx!

Well, I’d better stop here because I’m worried that you might be like my students, who always remember those errors you especially remind them not to make. To make up all the wrong impressions I’ve made, I’m giving you some “correct” sentences.

難過: 她上個月和男友分手，心裡很難過。

      She broke up with her boyfriend last month and was upset.

便當: 媽媽今天沒做晚餐，我們只好去買便當。

      We had to get meal boxes from the diner since      Mom didn’t make dinner today.       

能幹: 她是個能幹的職業婦女。

      She’s a capable career woman.

白癡造句法=白痴造句法 (Simplified)

可愛=可爱

可憐沒人愛=可怜没人爱

   賢慧=贤慧

閒閒的什麼都不會=闲闲的什么都不会

難過=难过

月經=月经

便當=便当

能幹=能干

吃了一斤 (Hilarious errors)

With so many words pronounced the same or almost the same, the Chinese language is abundant in puns or word games of such kind.  Or, you might easily make hilarious errors when you're careless or don't have such a good command of the language.


One of the very wide-spread jokes is as follow:

"I stepped on some dogshit and 吃了一斤."


斤 (jin), catty, is a unit of weight. In Taiwan it equals to 600 grams while in China, 500. If you accidentally use the word in the sentence, you make yourself a dogshit-eater.


What exactly should you put if you're like me, a non-dogshit-eater?


"I stepped on some dogshit and 吃了一驚."


吃 (ch): eat


吃了一驚 (jing): get startled or surprised.

吃了一惊: (Simplified)

          
吃了一斤 (jin): eat a catty


With ultimate sincerity I hope you won't step on any kind of shit today.

I don’t want it either! (Hilarious errors)

  

Ever since I started teaching English at this night school, I've been once in a while frustrated, meanwhile, sadly a little, amused by how terrible my students' Chinese is. 

I mean, how could I expect them to learn English, a foreign language they encounter only an hour or so per week, when they even can't learn to use their native language right?

One thing that's killing me is to read their weekly journal, which is a common practice in Taiwan's high school. My eyes are often "strained" from strenuously recognizing their scribbles. Not to mention those wrong characters.

One of the most hilarious errors happened shortly after I started this night school when a student wrote in his weekly journal that they were reminded not to quarrel with their teachers when disciplined. He put it as "We were told not to "口交" with teachers in class."

"What?" I almost fell from the chair. I would have yelled at him for disrespect had I not known how full-of-error their writing could be. “I don’t want it, either!” I screamed in my mind.

What he really meant was "Never have '口角' with your teacher in class." This horny adolescent might have read or seen something he shouldn't have right before he scribbled his assignment.

Here comes my point. Attention, guys and gals! Don't you make such a stupid error like this young man did! Or you might get into very big troubles.

口角 (kou3 jiao3): quarrel; argue; dispute

口交 (kou3 jiao): oral sex

Example:

在和老婆一陣激烈口角後，他奪門而出。

He stormed out of the door after a fierce quarrel with his wife.