Chinese “Cousins” in English (Joke)

Once I mentioned some of my students remember English vocabulary by associating them with Chinese words. It is sometimes effective as some of them are like “relatives” in terms of their pronunciations.

Recently I read a joke on this very smart Chinese grandma, who emigrated to the U. S. and learned English in her own way. In the end she concluded that English and Chinese were actually “related” to each other.

For example, she found a lot of “deaths” 死(si3) in English words. “Yes” is 爺死(ye2 si3), grandfather dies. “Nice” is 奶死(nai3 si3), grandmother dies. “Mouth” is 媽死(ma si3), mother dies. “Was” is 我死(wo3 si3), I die.

And some numbers also have cousins in English. 七十(qi shi2), seventy is “cheese.” 八十(ba shi2), eighty is “bus.” 九十(jiu3 shi2), ninety is “juice.” “Grandma of ninety” 阿婆九十(a po2 jiu3 shi2)  is “apple juice.”

But she is confused why gecko 壁虎(bi4 hu3) turns to beef, spouse 配偶(pei4 ou3) turns to pear, and women’s association婦女會(fu4 nu3 hui4) turns to freeway? And why was she taken to dog food section when she asked for Tofu 豆腐(dou4 fu3) at the supermarket?

She also has trouble remembering her family’s English names. She came up with a smart solution by using Chinese to call them. With a surname 蔡(zai4), her daughter-in-law Sue Zai becomes 蔬菜(shu zai4), vegetable; her son Paul Zai, spinach 菠菜(bo zai4); her grandson Jay Zai, mustard-green, 芥菜(jie4 zai4); her granddaughter Megan Zai, dried mustard-green 梅干菜(mei2 gan zai4)

Another thing once troubling her was that why the Mexican selling peanuts by the highway kept shouting “I’m finished! I screwed up!” 完蛋了(wan2 dan4 le). She finally came to realize that完蛋了and “one dollar” resembled each other so much!

爺=爷

媽=妈

婦女會=妇女会