The way Jiangtai Gong fishes (Xiehouyu)

These days in Taiwan if you call someone and tell him he’s won some prize, very likely he’ll hang up the phone without letting you finish. He’ll regard it as a scam, and you might even get a curse.

For the past decade, Taiwan has been so rife with scams. Chances are that you’ll win various prizes twice a day, your account will be stolen every other day, and your son or daughter will be kidnapped whenever they want, even if you don’t have one at all! (Look on the bright side: you got someone who’s so dying to be your offspring and call you mom or dad.)

But those criminals get to become extremely rich! And the punishment is so ridiculously mild. The bitter Taiwanese thus jokingly put the blame on the presidents’ names, the incumbent’s and his predecessor’s. If you combine President Ma’s surname 馬 and part of the former president Chen’s name扁, you get the word 騙, deceive, swindle. No wonder we have so many scam gang 詐騙集團(zha4 pian4 ji2 tuan2) these days.

So you think you’ve heard too much about them to get cheated, but there’s always something new that they get even the well-educated like professors or police officers. This is really what we always say 道高一尺，魔高一丈(dao4 gao yi4 chi3, mo2 gao yi2 zhang4), literally meaning the diao (law) is one Chi (1/3 meter) high, but the devil is one Zhang (10 chi) tall.

Recently there’s something new that’s often heard. (Actually not so “new” at all, but was not so “organized” and permeating.) It is mainly aimed at men, lonely men who are desperate for women or who are especially “sympathetic,” to be exact. Those victims will get phone calls from girls they’ve never met, who sometimes pretend to be, say, a classmate from elementary school. They would ask the victims to go to the bars where they work to consume and cheat them out of money with all kinds of excuses, such as they (or their old mothers) get sick or they are fired. . . etc after they’ve won those men’s affection with their fake promises.

We call this kind of bar or tavern 剝皮酒店(buo pi2 jiu3 dian4). 剝皮means to skin. The way you get cheated out of money is like getting skinned. Here the 酒店does not refer to the hotel. It’s more like an expensive bar with “working girls” for men to drink and party.  

Sometimes you might feel that you’re being exploited. For example, you boss takes part of you pay for the insurance. And after that, you have to pay the tax. Under the circumstances, you may say you’re like a bull that has been skinned several times, or several layers of your skin have been ripped off. 一條牛剝好幾層皮(yi4 tiao2 niu2 buo hao3 ji3 ceng2 pi2)I guess this is probably why 剝皮is used to refer to this kind of bar.

One night after reading a piece of news about how a man had wired about twenty thousands US dollars to a girl that he’d never even gotten to meet, I talked a little bit about this with my students. I said I couldn’t believe how credulous a man could be! Some students replied that they were not surprised at all. Men, in their words, think with their “lower half.” 下半身思考(xia4 ban4 shen si kao3). Another expression of theirs is that their “sperms rush to their brains.” 精蟲衝腦(jing chong chong nao3)

Joke as it is, there’s some point there. You wouldn’t have gotten cheated had you not coveted anything. Just as what a Xiehouyu goes, 姜太公釣魚—願者上鉤(jiang tai4 gong diao4 yu2, yuan4 zhe3 shang4 gou)

姜太公(jiang tai4 gong) or 姜子牙(Jiang Zi3 ya2) is a Chinese historical and legendary figure, a sage and military strategist about 3,000 years ago. He once worked for the Shang government as a low-ranking official, but resigned later as the government was full of corruption and people were having a hard time. He retreated by the Weishui River waiting for his time.

As a recluse, Jiang often fished by the river in an exclusive way. He would use a long rod, a short line along with a “straight hook” to fish with his back to the river.

How could he get any fish this way? Thus comes the Xiehouyu mentioned. Only those who are willing jump at the bake. It’s translated as “Grand Duke Jiang fishes” in Wikipedia. It’s used to refer to the situation when someone puts his own head in the noose.

In fact Jiang did get his fish-- a big one. Later he was called upon by King Wen of Zhou to serve as prime minister. He fished in a seemingly unlikely way but got big fish, so do those girls from the scam gangs.

Moral--Think with your “upper half,” gentlemen! J

詐騙集團=诈骗集团

一條牛剝好幾層皮=一条牛剥好几层皮

精蟲衝腦=精虫冲脑

姜太公釣魚—願者上鉤=姜太公钓鱼—愿者上钩

滄海一聲笑 (music)

In a speech earlier this month, Taiwanese poet 余光中(yu2 guang zhong) remarked that to learn Chinese well, there are two things for a foreigner to learn first: to eat stinky tofu and to understand the meaning of the term 江湖(jiang hu2).

His theory is that Chinese learners have to learn the language through  “Chinese taste bud” and feels. And when the term江湖is used, you should be able to read between the lines to tell what it really means.

The term江湖, literally meaning river and lake, is largely used in武俠小說(wu3 xia2 xiao3 shuo),Wu-Xia novels. According to Wikipedia: The jianghu is the milieu, environment, or sub-community, often fictional, in which many Chinese wuxia stories are set. In modern Chinese culture, jianghu is commonly accepted as an alternative universe coexisting with the actual historical one in which the context of the wuxia genre was set. Each wuxia novel has its own jianghu setting.

You can’t speak of武俠小說, Wu-Xia novels without mentioning 金庸(jin yong), the most recognized Wu-Xia novelist in the Chinese world.

I got the whole series of his works in my studies for more than two decades, as a “decoration”, though, for I’ve never really engaged my full attention reading them. But Jin Yong’s characters are so well-known in the Chinese world that you don’t have to read the novels yourself to know them. They have in some way become stereotypes in our language.

These days as the heating presidential campaigns goes on, watching those politicians lying or manipulating the media with their smearing tactics reminds me of the song滄海一聲笑(cang hai3 yi4 sheng xiao4), which is the theme song of the movie笑傲江湖(xiao4 ao4 jiang hu2), The smiling proud wanderer, an adaptation from Jin Yong’s novel of the same title.

I’ve never seen the movie but I love the song. In the end of the story when the fighting and turmoil get settled, you hear the song ringing in your ear, you might smile and think, “What’s the hustle and bustle, fighting and killing for?” 

Hearing the song, I once again recall a dream that more or less has been shared in a corner of the hearts of my generation—to be a smiling and proud wanderer in this hustle-and-bustle world, instead of getting a “real job” and leading a “normal” life.

You might want to listen to the song for a change in this holiday season.

滄海一聲笑  (cang hai3 yi4 sheng xiao4)  by 黃霑

滄海笑　滔滔兩岸潮 (cang hai3 xia4/ tao tao liang3 ai4 chao2)

The vast sea laughs, lashing on both coasts.

浮沉隨浪記今朝 (fu2 chen2 sui2 lang4 ji4 jin zhao)

Carried in the waves, we have only now.

  蒼天笑　紛紛世上潮 (cang tian xia4/ fen fen shi4 shang4 chao2)

The heaven laughs, at the troubled world.

  誰負誰勝出天知曉 (shei2 fu4 shei2 sheng4 chu tian zhi xiao3)

Only he knows, who is to win or lose.

  江山笑　煙雨遙 (jiang shan xiao4/ yan yu3 yao2)

The mountain laughs, the rain is afar.

  濤浪濤盡紅塵俗事知多少

(tao lang4 tao jin4 hong2 chen2 su2 shi4 zhi duo shao3)

When the waves grow old, the world still goes on.

  清風笑　竟惹寂寥 (qing feng xiao4, jing4 re3 ji2 liao2)

The wind laughs, lost in quite solitude.

  豪情還剩了一襟晚照 (hao2 qing2 hai2 sheng4 liao3 yi jin wan3 zhao4)

Beyond my lofty aspiration bequeaths a tinge of melancholy.

 蒼生笑　不再寂寥 (cang sheng xiao4/ bu2 zai4 ji2 liao2)

People laugh, I’m no longer afloat in the sea of loneliness.

  豪情仍在痴痴笑笑 (hao2 qing2 reng2 zai4 chi chi xiao4 xiao4)

  With infatuation and smiling, I’m still embracing my aspiration and dream. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iknGg9l4a7s&feature=related

滄海一聲笑=沧海一声笑

武俠小說=武侠小说

字感 (chop suey)

Cay Marchal once wrote how he feels about the Chinese characters. He claims that only when reading Chinese books can he feel the pleasure of reading. "Reading those alphabetic languages is like drinking plain water," so he said, “no ‘字感’ (zhi4 gan3)at all”. He goes further to say that he’d like to change French writer La Rochefoucauld’s sentence “Humans wouldn’t have felt love had they not invented reading” into “Humans wouldn’t read had God not invented Chinese, let alone love.”*

Here I think what Marchal refers to as字感can be translated into a sense of words, or how you feel about words when you are reading. As a native speaker and reader of Chinese, I can no doubt share this “bias” of his. I’d even like to go further by pointing out another personal “bias” of mine. That is, only when reading Chinese characters that are printed vertically will I feel the pleasure of reading, or feel the 字感.

Unlike alphabetic languages, Chinese characters can be arranged either vertically or horizontally. But traditionally they were arranged vertically, from up to down, right to left. Ever since I started to read, almost every Chinese book I read had been arranged that way until the arrival of the computer era.

Long ago I read an article about how it’s easier for our eyes to read horizontally printed words based on the way the muscles of our eyes are arranged. I’m not sure about the scientific facts, but I definitely have something else to say about this.

I wonder if it’s just me or it’s true for most Chinese readers who were raised up prior to the computer age. I can’t remember any of my favorite Chinese books that are printed horizontally like English ones. I don’t know if I can really enjoy a novel or a poem if it has to be read from left to right. I’m not sure I’ll get my 字感from such a work. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons that stop me from reading any long literary work online. (Another important reason is that I have to “touch” the book, the paper to enjoy it.)

I’ve never asked anybody else to see if they have the same feeling as mine. But I just can’t imagine my favorite Chinese poems or novels arranged from left to right. 

A few weeks ago I asked a student why he had to check out his cell phone for time since we had a clock on the wall. “I can’t read a clock.” answered him. Then I found out that I myself have to picture a clock in my mind when reading a digital clock. I still remember how my father had used an old clock to teach me to read time before I went to school.

I wonder if this habit is similar to my clinging to the up-to-down, right-to-left pattern of reading Chinese. Gee, I’m really old-fashioned and getting stale. I’d better get used to the pattern of this era to survive and finish my thesis in two years.  

* note: from我的異國靈魂指南, by莫夏凱;  published by寶瓶文化;  2005年09月01日

中邪 (II) (Mystery)

I wouldn’t have believed this had I not seen it happen. I’ve seen the dramatic changes Mary went through in a few hours. She’s back to work. She went to the doctor again a week later for a “double check.” The doctor announced that she’s recovered. (It actually doesn’t take a doctor to tell this.) It takes some people a couple of months to recover, according to the doctor. (And he charged her NT$ 600, around US$ 20 for doing the job.)

After she first went to the doctor, Mary told me another incident which might account for her中邪. Prior to her “heart attack,” she spent the weekend at the seaside in southern Taiwan. At dusk as she was standing near the water, she suddenly felt a gust of chill hitting upon her. She was so cold that she put on a jacket though the others were wearing short-sleeves. And usually she’s the type that is afraid of heat.

Then someone took a photo of her standing alone by the water. When they saw the picture, they were so scared that they deleted it immediately. There was a mass of blurry stuff that looked like a mixture of various ambiguous dark colors above her head.

The next Wednesday, she started to have a fever, which was taken as a cold. That Friday night, she got the “attack” and was sent to the hospital. She even went to a temple to pick out a space for her bone ash jar after this experience. (And half-jokingly she designated one of her designer handbags to be mine after she’s gone.)

Looking up the word 邪(xie2) in the dictionary, you’ll get several explanations. Basically it’s used to refer to evil. For example, Adolf Hitler is widely regarded as an evil person. We may use 邪惡(xie2 e4) to describe him. A notion of hurting someone in return for what he has done may be called 邪念(xie2 nian4), a evil notion.

But in traditional Chinese medicine, 邪 is also used to refer to the environmental factors that lead to a disease, such as 寒邪(han2 xie2), the chill, or 風邪(feng xie2) the wind, that causes a cold. Therefore, to cure a patient means to get rid of the邪. As I know, in the Japanese language, the term風邪means a cold.

No matter what the邪is that attacked Mary, I’m glad that she’s recovered. She might get a new perspective to see her life after this near-death experience. As for me, though she keeps calling me her貴人(gui4 ren2) , which means someone that has done you a big favor or even save your life, I think it’s only her fate. Countless things that happened long before I met her have led to what’s happening today. I’m just a tiny chess that has done what I think I should do. Nothing is in my hand.

It’s good, though, to be someone else’s 貴人 at a certain moment of his life, for we certainly need a lot of 貴人in our own life.

(THE END)

邪惡=邪恶

風邪=风邪

貴人=贵人

中邪 (I) (Mystery)

Last week I wrote about my friend Mary’s “heart attack” in the article前世有修. She took a week’s leave at her doctor’s request. She took all the physical checkups doctors asked her to, but couldn’t figure out what her problem was. One of the doctors diagnosed her as Ischemic Heart Disease. She took medicine but still felt very weak and sick. But it had a dramatic twist after she saw a doctor I recommended to her.

It is a Chinese herbal doctor who uses 氣功(qi4 gong), Qi gong, to cure patients. I recommended him because he successfully cured a friend of mine of his Facial palsy and I’ve watched how he works. He doesn’t need you to tell him your symptoms, but diagnoses without touching you. He stands about 4, 5 meters away from you and moves his hands and fingers a bit like playing a harp. That’s how he diagnoses you.

He cures patients with Chinese herbal medicine. To see him, you got to make an appointment one week before by phone. And if you do not start to call the clinic the moment it starts to take the reservations, in ten minutes it’s full. You got to wait another day.

I think since Mary’s illness was caused by a blood’s “congestion,” it might be good to try Qi gong. Luckily, she managed to see the doctor several days earlier than her appointment because someone had cancelled his appointment. She asked the clinic because she felt very ill.

I talked to her on the phone a couple of hours before she went to the doctor. I called her because I dreamed of her the night before and wanted to check about her. She sounded very sick and weak though she tried to pull herself together and act like she was optimistic.

A few hours later when I called her to ask what the doctor had said, she sounded very different from hours ago. She regained her energy and was back to the normal her. “The doctor said,” in a mysterious tone she said on the phone, “it was not a stroke, but中邪(zhong4 xie2).”

Such a term will not be used by any medical doctors. But some people believe that if you are taken, or “possessed” by some spirit, ghost, (or an unknown power?), it is called中邪. You may change into someone very different, acting in a weird or lunatic way, or become plagued by unknown disease or symptoms like Mary did. Sometimes we will jokingly call someone中邪 for his unusual behavior.

Sometimes people even turn into someone else, speaking a totally different language or acting as another person. We’ll call this 附身(fu4 shen), possessed by someone else’s spirit. In some Taoism temples, some 乩童(ji tong2), Jitong or Tongji, spirit medium, will play the role of a certain deity when he is taken by him to answer the followers’ questions.

The doctor told Mary that the evil power was very strong and stayed in her right arm. He asked her to stand with her arms open and tried to “chase out” the power for her from around 5 meters away. According to Mary, it took him about five to ten minutes to do the job. After that, he told Mary that the power had been gone from her limbs. And she did feel much better.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

氣功=气功

前世有修 (chop suey)

Last week my colleague and good friend Mary had a “near-death experience.” She suddenly felt a gush of blood congested and a tremendous pain in her chest in the middle of a class. She was breathless and almost fainted. Her face blushed and her eyes turned red, according to the present students.

A traditional Chinese medical doctor told her that it could be considered a minor stroke, which was her third time. Another doctor diagnosed it as 狹心症(xia2 xin zheng4), Ischemic Heart Disease. What she had experienced is 心肌梗塞(xin ji geng3 se4), Myocardial infarction.

My first reaction after hearing this on the phone was compare her to the most famous beauty in Chinese history西施(xi shi), who I have mentioned in my previous writing on Feb. 13 this year,東施效顰(dong shi xiao4 pin2). She was famous for her signature act, 西施捧心(xi shi peng3 xin). She put her hand on her chest frowning from the pain, which aroused men’s pity and love for her. Some say the reason for her to do so is that she got Ischemic Heart Disease.

She stayed half of the night at the ER to do the checkup. Later she told me she did not wash off her makeup that night after she went home for fear that she might need to be rushed to the hospital anytime. “And don’t forget to get rid of your ‘Armani’ underpants,” so I told her in a faking serious tone.

“Armani underpants” is what we refer to those loose sagging unsexy boxer shorts-like underpants worn by old grandma. Since in South Min dialect grandma pronounces as “A-Ma4,”we jokingly call this type of underpants “Armani.”

Besides joking about this, we both agreed that she is a blessed person if she just dies like that. For a divorced woman whose children have grown up, who has no debt, isn’t it a blessing if she just dies a “quick death” without suffering long in bed? Isn’t it a blessing for a woman if all she worries about is whether she’s wearing makeup or right outfit when she dies? Think about what I just saw in the film “You don’t know Jack.” No wonder we’ll use the term “前世有修(qian2 shi4 you3 xou)” to describe those who pass away in sleep or a die a nature death at a ripe age.

前世means your last life. 有修means to practice Buddhist or Taoist rules, or simply moral teaching without referring to any specific religion. As I said before, 輪迴(lun2 hui2), incarnation, has been a part of our language. When you are especially blessed or doomed with back luck for seemingly no reason, sometimes we’ll refer it to your previous lives, 前世.

As a result, a blessed person can be said to be前世有修. A doomed person who seems to have done nothing wrong might be前世造孽(qian2 shi4 zao4 nie4). 造孽 means to do evil or commit a sin. It’s a convenient way to tone down your indignation for the unfairness.

Well, I think I’d better start to get rid of my “Armani underpants” too.

東施效顰=东施效颦

輪迴=轮回