前世有修 (chop suey)

Last week my colleague and good friend Mary had a “near-death experience.” She suddenly felt a gush of blood congested and a tremendous pain in her chest in the middle of a class. She was breathless and almost fainted. Her face blushed and her eyes turned red, according to the present students.

A traditional Chinese medical doctor told her that it could be considered a minor stroke, which was her third time. Another doctor diagnosed it as 狹心症(xia2 xin zheng4), Ischemic Heart Disease. What she had experienced is 心肌梗塞(xin ji geng3 se4), Myocardial infarction.

My first reaction after hearing this on the phone was compare her to the most famous beauty in Chinese history西施(xi shi), who I have mentioned in my previous writing on Feb. 13 this year,東施效顰(dong shi xiao4 pin2). She was famous for her signature act, 西施捧心(xi shi peng3 xin). She put her hand on her chest frowning from the pain, which aroused men’s pity and love for her. Some say the reason for her to do so is that she got Ischemic Heart Disease.

She stayed half of the night at the ER to do the checkup. Later she told me she did not wash off her makeup that night after she went home for fear that she might need to be rushed to the hospital anytime. “And don’t forget to get rid of your ‘Armani’ underpants,” so I told her in a faking serious tone.

“Armani underpants” is what we refer to those loose sagging unsexy boxer shorts-like underpants worn by old grandma. Since in South Min dialect grandma pronounces as “A-Ma4,”we jokingly call this type of underpants “Armani.”

Besides joking about this, we both agreed that she is a blessed person if she just dies like that. For a divorced woman whose children have grown up, who has no debt, isn’t it a blessing if she just dies a “quick death” without suffering long in bed? Isn’t it a blessing for a woman if all she worries about is whether she’s wearing makeup or right outfit when she dies? Think about what I just saw in the film “You don’t know Jack.” No wonder we’ll use the term “前世有修(qian2 shi4 you3 xou)” to describe those who pass away in sleep or a die a nature death at a ripe age.

前世means your last life. 有修means to practice Buddhist or Taoist rules, or simply moral teaching without referring to any specific religion. As I said before, 輪迴(lun2 hui2), incarnation, has been a part of our language. When you are especially blessed or doomed with back luck for seemingly no reason, sometimes we’ll refer it to your previous lives, 前世.

As a result, a blessed person can be said to be前世有修. A doomed person who seems to have done nothing wrong might be前世造孽(qian2 shi4 zao4 nie4). 造孽 means to do evil or commit a sin. It’s a convenient way to tone down your indignation for the unfairness.

Well, I think I’d better start to get rid of my “Armani underpants” too.

東施效顰=东施效颦

輪迴=轮回