郎不歸鄉 (joke)

夏進興(xia4 jin4 xing), a former counselor of the president, wrote a humorous article mocking simplified Chinese characters. As someone who has used traditional Chinese ever since she started to learn to read and write, I’ve expressed the same regret that Chinese characters have been “twisted” and “abused” in so many ways in my previous writing. It’s like seeing a stunning beauty turning to an ugly by some crash-and-burn plastic surgery. Though I labeled this article under the catalog of “joke,” this is definitely no laughing matter to me.

In the article, Xia mentioned his two trips to China; how he’s not used to the simplified characters. He composed a couplet 對聯(dui4 lian2) to ridicule the simplified Chinese by pointing out their flaws in a funny way.

「麵無麥、愛無心、單翅能飛」

(mian4 wu2 mai4, ai4 wu2 xin, dan chi4 neng2 fei)
「餘不食、親不見、無門可開」

(yu2 bu4 shi2, qin bu2 jian4, wu men2 ke3 kai)

The former part of the couplet means “noodles without wheat, love without a heart, and single wing can fly.”

The latter part means “leftover without food, family love without seeing, and no door to open.”

To understand麵無麥, you have to know that many Chinese characters are combinations of meanings and pronunciations. For example, 麵(mian4) , noodles, is a combination of麥(mai4) , wheat, which carries the meaning, and 面(mian4), which carries the sound. So when you see the word 麵, you know it’s pronounced as面 and is something made of wheat. But it’s simplified as面in simplified Chinese, which also means “face.” This is what麵無麥means.

As to愛無心 , compared with the traditional Chinese愛(ai4), 爱, love, misses a心, heart, in it. How can you love without a heart? And when it comes to flying, 飛(fai), the simplified Chinese is飞. The double “wings” now become a single one. And the part 升(sheng), which means elevating, is gone.

The word 餘 means surplus, or leftover. Like麵 , it’s a combination of 食(shi2), food , and 余(yu2), which is the sound. In simplified Chinese, it’s changed into余, with食, the food, missing. This is the meaning of 餘不食.

As we go on to親不見, 親 is your family or relatives. The term親情(qin qing2) means love between parents and children or family members. In simplified Chinese it turns to亲, which means the part見(jian4), to see or meet, is missing. How can family members love each other if they don’t even get to see each other?

The last part of the couplet is無門可開. When you say “open the door,” it would be 開門(kai men2) in Chinese. The simplified for開, to open, is开, where the door, 門, is missing. As a result, you have no door to open.

After my explanation, which I hope you have the patience to understand, you see each part of the couplet refers to a character. Previously I mentioned that for a couplet, there usually will be a 橫批(heng2 pi), a third part that is put across the gate.

After his retirement, Xia has worked as a voluntary tour guide in the presidential building, who often entertains visitors from China. Sometimes he’ll mention the couplet to them, some of whom asked about its橫批and they started the brainstorming. The followings are some examples.

「不生而產」(bu4 sheng er2 chan3), to have children without laboring.  生產means to produce, or bear a child. But in simplified Chinese, 產  is written as产 , with the part “labor” 生 missing. How can you have children without bearing them?

Another one is 「死無全屍」 (si3 wu2 chuan2 shi), meaning dying without a whole body全屍. In the past, most Chinese hoped that when they die, they would have a whole and complete body, which means they die a ripe age in bed, but not untimely accidental death with their boots on, and they could go to their next life “complete.” Accordingly死無全屍is often used as a curse for someone you hate. The point here is the word body屍is simplified as尸, with 死, death, missing, so it’s incomplete.

The last one is郎不歸鄉(lang2 bu4 gui shang), meaning your beloved man doesn’t return home. 鄉, homeland, is simplified as乡with the part 郎missing. 郎means a male lover as used in 情郎(ching2 lang2). How miserable it is if your beloved man doesn’t return again!

As I know, many times in China’s National Political Consultative Reference, (政協會zheng4 xie2 huai4) the issue of restoring to traditional Chinese characters has been brought up. Though personally I wish it come true, in reality, I know it’s never easy for 1.3 billion people to change. (But not impossible since you’ve done it once before!) When it comes to non-native speakers who intend to learn Chinese, which one will they choose, one with 1.3 billion users, or the other with tens of million ones? Sadly I wonder.

郎不歸鄉=郎不归乡

夏進興=夏进兴

對聯=对联

麵無麥、愛無心、單翅能飛=面无麦、爱无心、单翅能飞

餘不食、親不見、無門可開=余不食、亲不见、无门可开

不生而產=不生而产

死無全屍=死无全尸