Confucius, Microsoft and man (joke)

Quite a lot of jokes are about genitals and sex. And there’s no denying some of them are quite hilarious. A while ago I read such a joke online that combines Confucius’ self-description on different phases of his life with well-known brands of electrical appliances. It goes as follows:

男人：(man)

A.   二十(20)弱冠¹，起床²卻是「奔騰³」；

B.    三十(30)而立⁴，名符其實⁵的「日立⁶」；

C.   四十(40)不惑⁷，開始⁸「微軟⁹」；

D.   五十(50)知天命¹⁰，明白¹¹已是「松下¹²」；

E.    六十(60)耳順¹³，卻只能「聯想¹⁴」。

     

The former parts of these sentences are Confucius’ description on the phases of his life, with the number 20, 30…referring to the ages.

1.     弱冠(ruo4 guan4): 冠(guan) means hats. In ancient times when a male grew to the age of 20, a ceremony called 冠禮(guan4 li3) was held, where three different kinds of hats were put on him to mark his reaching the adulthood. 弱(ruo 4) usually means weak, but here it means young. So弱冠refers to men of 20 years old. Here Confucius told us that he had the冠禮 ceremony when he was twenty.

2.     起床(qi3 chuang2): getting up from bed.

3.     奔騰(ben teng2): Pentium. 奔means to gallop, to run fast while 騰also means to gallop or to jump. 

A: When a man is 20, though called「弱」冠, his “that” is strong.

4.     三十(30)而立(san shi2 er2 li4): Confucius said that he got  independent as a man and won his status as a scholar at 30. But 立also means to “stand up,” to “rise.”

5.     名符其實(ming2 fu2 qi2 shi2): Veritable; worthy of the name.

6.     日立(ri4 li4): Hitachi. But the two words日立can also be interpreted as “to ‘rise’ every day.”     

B: When a man is thirty, he gets erection every day exactly like   what Confucius had said--三十(30)而立.

7.     四十(40)不惑(si4 shi2 gu4 huo4): Confucius said he no longer  got any confusion when he reached 40.

8.     開始(kai shi3): begin

9.     微軟(wui2 ruan3): Microsoft. But the two words also mean “slightly soft.”

C. At 40, a man no longer gets confused, but he begins to be  “slightly soft.”

10. 五十(50)知天命(wu3 shi2 zhi tian ming4): Confucius said at 50, he realized the law of nature and fate and follow it.

11. 明白(ming2 bai2): to realize; to perceive.

12. 松下(sun xia4): Panasonic; but the two words mean “under the pine.” Here the key lies in the word 下, down.

D.  At 50, a man realizes how the law of nature and fate is working and the facts that he is now a piece of Panasonic electrical appliance, "down."

13. 六十(60)耳順(er3 shun4): Confucius said at 60 he could tell at once if what others told him was right or wrong.

14. 聯想(lian2 xiang3): Lenovo. The two Chinese words mean to associate or imagine.

E. At 60, all a man can do is “imagine.”

No offense is meant here, gentlemen. At least you learn different ways to call different ages. I happened to learn in the process of my writing this a result of a research claiming that those who are in their 50s, 知天命之年(zhi tian ming4 zhi nian2), are the most content, even though they no longer奔騰or日立.  

I wonder if there’s such a joke on women.

PS: In fact, Confucius’ statement starts with 15 and ends with 70, both of which are not included in the joke. And though 20 years old is really called弱冠, Confucius’ statement does not include 20 years old.  Here I’d like to add the 15 and 70 as a complement.

吾十有五(15)而志於學: I’ve decided to dedicated myself to scholarship at 15.

七十(70)而從心所欲不踰矩: At 70, I can do whatever I want without violating any rules.

Simplified:  

二十弱冠，起床却是「奔腾」；
三十而立，名符其实的「日立」；
四十不惑，开始「微软」；
五十知天命，明白已是「松下」；
六十耳顺，却只能「联想」。

吾十有五而志於學=吾十有五而志于学

七十而從心所欲不踰矩=七十而从心所欲不踰矩