我要小解! (II) (Euphemism)

Aside from 聽雨軒(ting yu3 xian)，I’ve also seen 觀瀑亭(guan pu4 ting2), a waterfall-watching pavilion, as a name for the restroom at a restaurant. These names have really beautified our instinctive act.

When a typhoon hits and brings a huge amount of rain, we will hear the news of Shi-men Dam discharging water, 洩洪(xie4 hong2). This practice has been compared to a person’s “discharge of water.” That’s why some people will say “I’d like to 洩洪” as an indirect expression for peeing. In Taiwan, shi-men Dam 石門水庫(shi2 men2 shui3 ku4) is a big and well-known one. When someone’s fly is open, we’ll say to him “your Shi-men Dam is open.” 你的石門水庫沒關好(ni3 de shi2 men2 shui3 ku4 mei2 guan hao3)

In Taiwan, when eating out with friends, people often “fight” to pay the bill to show their generosity and friendliness. Very often someone will disappear quietly during the meal and you think he is going to the bathroom. But when you finish the meal and want to pay, you’ll find someone has done it. In regret you realize that you’ve been forestalled.

On the other hand, there are some misers who will do the same. They disappear near the end of the feast and stay there longer than necessary. They do this to avoid paying. We call this act 尿遁(niao4 dun4). 尿is urine, or to pee, while遁 means to escape. Such practice of尿遁is not limited to the above situation. Anyone who tries to run away from an embarrassing or miserable situation by saying that he’s 內急(nei4 ji2) and excusing himself to the bathroom could be called尿遁. 內急is another way to imply that you wanna pee. 內is inner, 急, urgent; you feel an “inner urgent call.”

With so many homophones in Mandarin, sometimes we’ll divide a word into several parts and pronounce them separately to refer to one word. For example, when introducing oneself to others, those surnamed 張(zhang)  will usually mention it as 弓長張(gong chang2 zhong) so that people won’t mistake it as another homophone surname章(zhang), which is referred to as 立早章(li4 zao3 zhang).

Such practice is also applied to euphemism. When mentioning feces, for example, sometimes we’ll say 米田共(mi3 tian2 gong4). Combined together they become the word 糞(fen4), feces. The act of muckraking is called 扒糞(pa2 fen4), raking feces, since what you reveal is all dirty tricks.

One time one of Confucius’ pupils dozed off in class, Confucius made a remark as 朽木不可雕也(xiu3 mu4 bu4 ke3 diao ye3)，a rotten piece of wood can’t be carved; 糞土之牆不可污也(fen4 tu3 zi qiang bu4 ke3 wu ye3), a wall of dirty mud can’t be contaminated. (since it’s already dirty) Here 糞土means dirty mud.

This reminds me of an idiom 發憤圖強(fa fen4 tu2 qiang2). 發憤 means to make a resolution ; 圖強, to strive for progress. These days we jokingly change the idiom as發糞塗牆, which pronounces exactly the same. You “generate” feces to coat the wall. . . . Yuck!

屎(shi3) is a synonym of糞. Unfortunately the word 史, history, pronounces the same with it. It’s hilarious if you associate the two when someone mentions any sort of “history,” such as history of Chinese literature中國文學史(zhong guo2 wen2 xue2 shi3). Long ago I read about some scholar publishing a book with the title 中國文學尿(zhong guo2 wen2 xue2 niao4) as a parody of history of Chinese literature.  

It is important not only what you say when you want to go to the bathroom, but when or how long you go. Otherwise people might think that you are avoiding something by尿遁.

(THE END)

聽雨軒=听雨轩

觀瀑亭=观瀑亭

洩洪=泄洪

石門水庫=石门水库

關好=关好

糞=粪

糞土之牆不可污也=粪土之墙不可污也

發憤圖強=发愤图强

發糞塗牆发粪涂墙

中國文學史=中国文学史